#I'm honestly shocked at how well I've taken to the shows style

[the-pobble-terrarium]

Ever heard of a wife guy?

[tachineko]

what are some of the best bl's you think released this year?

hi!! so far i think this year has been good with bl's but i think these few are the ones that i think stand out the most.

currently airing

my personal weatherman

this one came as a shock to me. i haven't been keeping up well with mbs' bls, given that "eternal yesterday" scarred me for life. but knowing the original source, i saw the announcement of them doing this and thought, you know what, maybe it won't be so bad. it won't. and i got shocked at how much i love the actors, the setting, and the characters. i loved this series so much that my tiktok fyp page was filled with one of the actor's cute tiktok dances, and i guess that's just the algorithm for me.

kiseki: dear to me

you can already tell from the amount of gifsets i make that i love this bl. initially, i only watched because i know that my favorite bl scriptwriter, lin pei yu, who i've been a fan of since her first bl, was in charge of the series. but as it went on, i was begging for more because of how much the actors, the plot, the characters, and the setting draw me in. it will honestly become one of my most favorites after it finishes airing. the whole thing just gives off that history-trapped vibe that i've been yearning for in taiwanese bl for so long.

i feel you linger in the air

having read the original novel (go buy and read it. it's amazing), i was expecting this one to be just fine. now that a few episodes have been aired, i'm aware that they did some cutting from the novel to fit the lakorn-style series. still, the quality, acting, and chemistry are so good. i wasn't confident at first since it was directed by tee, but then again, you can't always judge a director from their other few series. especially since this one deals with heavy themes of identity, culture-bound issues, and history. so far so good. i think this might be a standout bl for this quarter.

completed

our dating sim

one of the hit bl's that i personally wasn't a fan of at first, but then i saw how good their chemistry was and how well thought out the plot was. i was also shocked that even the actors themselves didn't expect this series to blow up because it was great from start to finish. one of my favorite scenes this year is that one scene where kitae had an emotional breakdown in front of wan.

sing my crush

this one surprised me the most. having released all their episodes in one day, i was shocked at how long they've kept this from us. it was filmed during the start of the pandemic, and it was only given to us this year. such an amazing drama series.

though one of the reasons why i found this amazing was watching it when i was sick, so i guess that contributed to it.

unintentional love story

what i loved about this series is the length and character progression. it just goes to show that k-bl's have the potential to become full-length in the future.

moonlight chicken

another masterpiece made with love. i think there's not much i can say about this series other than it's one of those classic bl's. i recently recommended this to a friend for their first bl, and they loved it and became a fan instantly.

jun & jun

a bit controversial, but i think my own perception of this series was different than everyone else's. what i love about the series is its outstanding chemistry, easy-to-consume plot, and actors' visuals.

to me, this bl feels like thailand's first step in making korean bl. let me explain. one of the reasons why this series has some hint of thai production in it is because of the presence of high heat among the main characters.

now, a lot of people complain about the quality, but to me, it's fine. it's fine because it's not a series that's meant to be taken seriously, and it's also nonsensical for the sake of easy consumption among viewers. though i gotta say that the actors have great potential to be in other bl's as well.

[voicefromthecorner]

Shiba

do I like them: Well, normally I'd say in the name of fairness that the jury's still out until I've completed the game that he's from, but given the recent revelation that he's been manipulating and exterminating people in order to seize control of the UG of Shibuya in order to set up a rigged Reaper's Game that's designed to force everyone who plays it to lose and subsequently get erased thanks in part to his personal control over everything even if things were to go wrong while also extending the influence of this game out to living (teenaged) people in the RG and forcing them to fight for their lives in a scheme that breaks the laws of reality in such a way that return to their normal lives might be impossible anyway, all for the sake of destroying Shibuya outright for yet unknown reasons and putting the weight of that multi-million-lives burden onto said (TEENAGED) RG people, I reckon I'm willing to risk jumping the gun on this one and say that Shiba's not on my nice list. Also he killed Sumio!

5 good qualities: I mean, he's got confidence, gotta give him that. Plus style, no denying that either. Very eloquently spoken. I can't give him graceful, but at least he's polite. And he... is a very good villain!

3 bad qualities: He's a reprehensible villain! He also took Uzuki's job! And he KILLED SUMIO!

favourite episode/etc: Honestly, any time Shiba's taken the gloves off, so to speak, and erased the week's losers has been a moment to remember. I thought the end of Week 1 was cool enough with how much it (finally) opened our crew's eyes, but Week 2 pulled out a lot of stops with the bombshells it dropped. Even his opening monologue to Week 3 that I just saw was pretty rad. Plus, I'm sure there's even more to see from him. I'll give it to Week 2 Day 7 for now though.

otp: Shiba x fire. They belong together.

brotp: I don't know much about his relationship dynamics among the Reapers, but I am thinking that Shiba being stuck in a buddy cop situation with Joshua would be incredibly interesting to see. Shiba seems pretty unflappable, but I believe in Joshua's button-pressing abilities. That duo would hopefully be very entertaining.

ot3: Shiba plus whichever two characters would cause him the most annoyance? I want Shiba to be annoyed. Someone annoy the smug butterfly man!

notp: I hate that I'm thinking about this, but given that they're on the same team and I get a very uncomfortable feeling about her whole suspicious situation in general, I'm gonna say Shiba and Tsugumi. Also there's probably a bad age thing there too.

best quote: "...and with that, I bid you adieu!" If he dies and those aren't his last words, I'll be shocked.

head canon: I'm gonna get real psychological on this one and dare to suggest that Shiba... doesn't enjoy anything. I think he regularly feels hollow, bored and maybe even tired. All his flair and attempts to get players to "heat up" the game are just him trying almost desperately hard to feel some semblance of challenge, uncertainty or at least excitement. He's like a TV addict to a show that stopped being fun to watch 5 seasons ago and it's not going to get better.

[mukami-kou-dazzlingpinkidol]

⚠️𝐓•𝐖⚠️ 【強姦ʳ*ᵖᵉ ˢᶜᵉⁿᵃʳⁱᵒ🔞】

——A s I stayed there alone for after who knows how long I finally picked up my phone and stared at the time displayed, it was close to evening time, I've been out of the house and in here for more than a few hours as it would seem, I guess it was about time that I go back home, I've caused them enough panic for a time today after all. I wonder what they were all doing right now, did anyone bother coming out to look for me, what about Kuron, did he ever show up to search for me.

With the small questions in my head, I got away from the area and went to pick up the rest of my things from the spot that I had left them previously which luckily for me they were still there and untouched besides having been pushed further to the side, probably by some passerby. Grabbing the bags in my hand, I made my way back home with a taxi since flying back now was out of the question with the amount of baggage on me.

It was probably close to evening by the time I got back home, the sun was starting to set as it cooled the blue sky with a bright tinge of orange and red. I stepped inside the house and braced myself for any kind of greeting to come my way, wondering if there was anyone behind the door as I would walk on through.

As I was about to open the door myself, it swung open before I could reach for the handle and standing there in front of me was Ruki who upon seeing me looked a little bit shocked and surprised but not at all what I would describe as worried. His eyes widened as he learned back a bit when he saw me.

“Kou...!”

He exclaimed to me simply as he saw me standing in front of the door. Was he going somewhere, well I just got back home so who's to say, maybe he was about to do something. I exclaimed and called out to him the same way and asked him with inquisition.

“Ruki, where are you off to?”

"Kou?!.."

"Kou..!"

Followed by a few voices that approached from the back as Yuma and Azusa showed up, looking anxious and perturbed and Azusa looked like he had cried.

Then finally, the last person zoomed forward, Kuron. His hair that's usually styled tidy and neat, disheveled as though he had been clenching it or pulling on it, the edge around his eyes red as his burgundy eyeballs quiver. He was dressed in his usual getup, but with hair half tied to that ponytail, contact lenses taken off. His lips fall part as they meet my gaze.

Looking at all of them with their desperate and distressed features upon them, I immediately realised what was going on, and with that I realised that I either had some explaining or some unfinished acting to continue on.

“Hey everyone, I'm home.”

I said to them as I formed up a small smile and walked on inside the room, my gazes shifted between all of them but primarily focused on Kuron. I mean I expected some kind of effect to be had upon them but I guess it was more effective than I thought. Seems like everyone had been more concerned and worried about all to a distressing point except Ruki who by no surprise was as seemingly composed as ever.

Before anyone else could say a word Ruki closed the door and stepped up in front of me. His cold and closed eyed expression remained as he spoke to me, his eyes opening again as he stared back at me with that unwavering gaze.

“Kou where have you been, everyone here was worried about you when Kuron said you had trouble.”

“We were trying to get in contact with you but you never answered any of our calls or messages.”

Something told me that there was no point in lying about anything to him now.

“I was at the mall as you can see, bought a few things, stayed a bit late and all that.”

“Sorry I made you all worry...”

I forced a small smile at them and honestly didn't dare to look up at any single one of them for a time, the two of my brothers seemed pretty mad at me as I looked over to them. Azusa looked absolutely angry for once and walked up to me and began to punch my shoulders and chest with a balled fist which did hurt quite a bit as he blamed me over and over.

“Stupid...Kou... We were so...worried. We thought...something bad happened...”

“How...could you...do this...?”

He continued to complain all the while that he was punching me, I could just make out the tears that were forming in his eyes as his breath started to hitch just a bit.

“Yeah man, that was not cool. You made all of us worry for nothing. You can't just do something like that.”

Yuma said out loud, his expression nothing short of being angry and frustrated as he looked at me with gritted teeth and a fiery gaze but it soon as well dampened off as his features relaxed a little bit and he heaved a sigh before continuing.

“Well at least you're doing fine, that's all that matters...”

“...Really gave us quite a fright.”

I didn't say anything else to them except smile lightly until I turned my attention to Kuron who was now just seated there on the couch, staring back at me with an almost unreadable expression on his face.

I probably owe him some kind of explanation about this most of all, he did look and seemed pretty shocked and stunned by all this that I almost felt guilty doing it in the first place...almost.

Just then Ruki spoke out again from behind me to the side, his tone, inquisitive with a raised brow as I looked over to him.

“And what's this about chest pains, Kou?”

I didn't quite know how to answer that to them now so I opted to just keep the details to myself for now.

“It's nothing really. Don't worry, it's nothing serious to worry about.”

I said while sneaking a glance over to Kuron who still seemed as blank as before from maybe all the confusion, that's a little sad for him truthfully speaking.

With my answer, Ruki just simply heaved a soft sigh as I turned my head back over to him, his gaze met mine and he looked down at the floor with closed eyes before opening them again and resolution in his monotone voice.

“If you say you're fine, then we won't pursue any further.”

“Go take a rest for now, join us for dinner later.”

With that said he walked away without another word along with Azusa and Yuma who trailer behind him as well both giving a soft smile and a sigh of relief, Azusa more so as he was wiping away his tears and they all left to attend back in their rooms or somewhere else.

With them gone, I took a glance at Kuron who had remained silent and looking blank during the whole event. He seemed to be looking back at me the whole time but I wasn't sure what to say then so I simply gave a small gesture and headed back to my room, Kuron following closely behind the whole time. Upon arriving and entering, neither of us said a word and it was just silence the whole time.

Did he not have something to say, something to ask, what was that look on his face supposed to mean, empty, blank, I wasn't even sure what kind of emotion he was bearing behind that facade. As I reached the bed, I turned around and found he just remained standing at the door, silent the whole time.

“Well, what is it? You have something to say?”

I turned to him and asked in a monotone voice, this was all quite a situation, I couldn't even see what he was silent off or what he wanted to do.

Kuron remained silent as he stood at the doorway of the closed door, his head lowered as his hair messy and loosely tied unlike his usual properly styled self, thereby covering the expression of his face as his lips were sealed to a thin line.

Slowly, he pushed himself away from the door and started making his way towards me, as I mentally braced myself from whatever that's bound to happen once he's closed in.

Just as expected, I watched as his hand darted out then as he fisted a clutch on my collar, a force knocking me back to lay on my back as my eyes widened by instinct, staring back towards those burgundy reddened eyes widened as a bull's, his face thrusted close as his body was arched and towered above me, another hand had seized to grab hold of both my wrists, held above my head.

"...What THE HELL IS GOING ON?!”

“...I...Got you to come looking for me. What do you think is...going on..”

I fell back in surprise at his rough motion, he had a really strong tight grip on me, so much that I couldn't even struggle if I wanted to, the only movable part of my body was my chest which could only whimper and arch of the mattress so much until I eventually fell back down in defeat.

He looked angry, scratch that he was definitely angry, those flared nostrils and widened eyes which combined with the redness of his iris made him look all the more fierce and menacing, almost like he could kill somebody and more specifically, he might just be about to kill someone like me, he looked almost insane that it made me feel like hiding back a little if not for the restrains.

“...So, you're saying that ...”

“This is all a GAME TO YOU AND THAT YOU HAD ME FOOLED ALL DAY LONG?”

His hand darted to wrap his fingers around my throat, clutching me in a choking hold as his lips tugged back to a big scowl, eyes widened impossibly further before narrowing with malice laced within them.

“...Do you know what you've put me through?"

“What...Ugh—...other way...to get your attention.”

I felt the saliva clog up in my throat as I had difficulty spitting out my words. I was a bit freaked out now, not that I didn't expect a reaction, in fact this was exactly as I would've expected, such drastic results.

“How would I know...what you went through.. —”

“I...barely see you now...and you never tell me anything that happens...”

I tried pulling back my hands from his wrists, trying to pull and get away from him as my legs kicked up from the mattresses below, my eyes squinted shut for a slight while before opening and meeting his dark burgundy trace.

"...So,"

"All you want is just attention, is that it?”

His grip on my neck loosened and darted to wrap fingers tightly around my chin, clenching me in direct eye contact.

“Is that how you wanted it? For me to be driven close to being insane the entire day. Got off from my new job that I ought to value with my best, and have me travel almost the entire city just to look for your petty ass?”

“Well...Yes...”

I couldn't even make out what he was attempting to do, his eyes, his demeanor was so off putting that I couldn't quite understand, I did mean to get him nervous or something and get him to worry but I never thought about making him insane if that was his literal use of the word.

“I mean...I didn't think that far ahead...”

I swallowed down a lump in my throat and stared up at him with a quivering gaze, nervousness coming over as his fingers touched on my skin as he was so close I could feel the grunting breath of his lips as he spoke.

"You want my attention?”

“Tell me..Is that what you want ?”

His eyes narrowed, the malice transmitting from them were so intimidating that I had to avert my gaze briefly.

I closed my eyes to him and took in a silent breath before looking back with uncertainty, barely meeting his stares as I faced my head up to him.

“I...Yes...”

“Yeah that was what I wanted. That's what I was trying to get back.”

“....”

He smiled, a sweet, sugary, danger approaching smile as he leaned down closely to my face.

“Well..In that case..”

His fingers stroke mildly around my chin, then it glides down to my neck, my collarbone, as his fingers slowly close around to fist into my shirt, hand trembling as he remained those stoic gazes fixated on me, not once wavering.

“...If you can go so far to gain my precious attention. ”

“Then I'll grant your wish.”

“And give you the most attention I had never submitted upon anyone.”

“...THROUGH THIS!!"

His hand tugged back ripping my shirt at once with a loud tear, then before I can react, he stuffed that crumbled piece of clothing into my mouth thus gagging me right there as I felt his hand proceeded to tear up the remaining pieces of my clothes until I was fully bare, fumbling and shifting of clothes was heard before I felt my bare legs spread open for once in my life as my eyes widened upon horror instinct, then a sharp excruciating pain forcing into me from down there and caused my back to arch off the mattress at once from that unfamiliar fresh stinging pain, before it riled to stir up another form of physical torture inside as I felt my body being aggressively glided against the mattress all the while as my insides was being thrusted in and out by those merciless impulsive pounding enough to cause the bed below to creak.

"Guhn!!.. How's ...This for attention, arghn!"

"Ha..You always like to test with my body do you..Thought it's bound to have no limits. Now there you have it ! UGH!! Are you happy now?! "

"Take...All of this! My attention ! You wanted it right??!.. You're fucking welcome, pestering bitch! Guhn..!!"

"Mnh... Unghh!!”

I could only grunt and retort in horror and pain as the unfamiliar force found its way inside me deeper still, somehow he was either getting more and more harsher and faster or my body was slowly realising the fact of what was being done to it. My mouth being so harshly gagged made it so I could only let out muffled screams of pain, no words I spoke could be audible much less any understood words to be made. I wanted to escape this, if not for my hands that had remained to be pressed and kept down by his own I would've punched him in the gut and be off. It took me a while to find the word that fit my situation, I was being raped, I was being raped by another man. Never in a million years did I think it would happen to me this way, by my love closest to me, but it was happening.

Was this his sick idea of attention, raping someone straight off the bat just because they wanted to see him. This wasn't what I meant, this wasn't what I wanted, what was he doing to me. It hurt, it hurt so much down there, I didn't want any of this, I wanted it to stop, it hurt, too rough that I felt like I was being ripped and reared apart even without warning.

I tried closing my legs to him, blocking him off as much as I could but his rough and harsh motions made me weak, succumbing myself to defeat as I felt my legs slowly give way as they only fell and constricted weakly in front of his stomach.

Everything before, all those little fun and teasing moments they weren't supposed to come to this, I didn't mean for it to come to this point, I was to be straight, I wasn't attracted to males this way but still, what was happening, was it supposed to be pleasuring, I know that was the original point but how was that possible this way, it was just painful stabbing that I felt below.

“Nguff me.. guhh…!”

I thought things were going to be as simple as that, that it would merely be just as much and that I could get through this if I held on until I felt his length thrust onto one specific spot which caused my back to arch off the mattress, causing me to moan out in restrained pleasure, he didn't stop hitting just once then, his movements kept hitting that one spot over and over as if he was familiar and used to it with own firsthand experience, a few times he had leaned down onto my chest, teasing and nibbling my buds so harshly and salivating them, so much untold roughness that I was tearing up more with saliva drooling down the corner of my lips onto the the mattress, how it was possible with the cloth I didn't know but I was gurgling inside with rolled back eyes of ecstacy pain and pleasure.

I couldn't help but fall into deep pleasure no matter how much I hated it, no matter how much I wanted him to stop, tears continue to run and my breathing becoming deep pants as I no longer had any control over my bodily movements, my legs had subconsciously opted to spread wider and fall to the side in defeat and letting things happen as they may as I ran out of my mind and options.

After what must've been an eternity to my side he started to move a little differently, a little more faster and more out of control and I knew what was coming, the mere thought of having being ravaged and about to be claimed and marked in a way like this, it was unimaginable, but I can't hold him back, I can't hold myself back as pleasure at once overtook me with his intensive thrusts and in one loud and intensive groan, he gave a hard thrust and shuddered while he released himself inside me, staining my insides with his warmth that was unlike anything I've experienced before, so clear and strong that I myself clung tight around his waist with my legs and brought him deeper in as I climaxed, my body arching and trembling from the multitude of sensations across my body until finally I finished and slumped back down on the bed, panting and taking in quick breaths while I was shaking, with pain, pleasure that I didn't appreciate and the weariness that was slowly overtaking me.

I didn't wish for this, making and aiming for his care and attention shouldn't have led to any of this, how could it happen to me, why would he do this to me. And the other question that worked up in my mind no matter how much I pushed it away—why would I have enjoyed it, not minded it as much as I should have, why had I come to wrap myself and moan in pleasure to his thrusts when he was raping me, it didn't make sense to me, was it just simply because it was Kuron that I didn't mind as much, but that shouldn't be, I had no desire for men...but Kuron, he had a different aura from the moment we came closer, why was that.

I couldn't sustain my thoughts for any longer until I eventually closed my eyes and fell completely into darkness, all the while as Kuron was slumped on top of me, our bare bodies touched so closely that I could clearly feel the warmth which brought a certain comfort among everything while I fell asleep.

--

——𝕿𝖔 𝖇𝖊 𝕮𝖔𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖚𝖊𝖉...

▃▃▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▂▃▄▅

[paradox-psyc-hoe-sis]

Overreaction

Loki x reader, Bruce x reader ,(platonic), avengers x reader (platonic).

Word count: 4.9 k

A/n: Heyo! I didn't actually mean for this to be as long as it was, but it turned out to be quite pleasing. Writers block is a bitch so it's taken me a while to write, but I hope I didn't disappoint! Requested by @marvelloonie, thank you for the request! - Aphrodite

Summary: you and Loki have been secretly meeting without the avengers knowing, and when you realise you've fallen in love, you decide it's time to tell the group. After trying to keep you, the groups little ray of sunshine, away from the mysterious asgardian for a while, the group are shocked to find out that you've been seeing each other.

Warninngs: angst, fluff, that's all! Enjoy x

For your entire life, you were always the 'innocent' one. Sure, you were optimised and generally a happy person, but people seem to take advantage of that a lot. That never dampened your mood, though; you always stayed the same happy-go-lucky little burst of sunlight through childhood to adulthood. That's also the reason that upon meeting new people, they never expect your job to be an avenger. Your work never really phased you; most of the people who you killed deserved it, but every now and again there was an odd time where you felt a slight hint of guilt.

Among the avengers, you were known as the little ray of sunshine, too. Pretty much all of the avengers had dark pasts, but not you. You lived a normal life, excelled at school, went to college, and got a normal job. S.H.I.E.L.D discovered you after you got into an accident and were struck by lightning: after you recovered, you found out that you could control lightning. You quickly joined the avengers, and got on very well with everyone. You knew all of the avengers, and were aware of all possible threats, enemies, blah blah, except one. Thor's brother, Loki, had committed several offences in the past, but redeemed himself by helping the team every now and again. You had never met Loki, but the Avengers made it clear that they wanted to keep it that way.

"Hey Steve!" You walked into the common area after a few hours training in the gym. Steve was in the kitchen, passing him as you got a bottle of water, and you looked over to see Natasha, Sam, Bucky and Thor on the sofas. "Good morning guys, how are you all?" You grinned at them as you walked over to sit next to Nat, a slight spring in your step.

"Why are you always so happy?" Bucky grunted as you sat unbeaten him and Nat. Sam gave Bucky a frown, and turned to you. "Don't mind him, he just found out that his favourite TV show has been cancelled."

"Aww, Heroes of Bruin!?" Bucky gave you a small nod, his arms crossed tightly around his chest. You placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a sympathetic smile. "Don't worry, Buck. I'm sure you'll find a better series soon! You can always borrow one of my box sets, you know where they are!" Bucky thanked you, and you sat back on the sofa, taking long gulps of your water.

"Seriously though, y/n. What keeps you so positive?" Steve asked, leaning on the kitchen counter. You shrugged, taking one last sip of your water.

"I don't really know, to be honest. I have a roof over my head, a good job, food, clean water, and friends and family who love me!" You stood up, walking over to the kitchen island and sitting opposite Steve. "Besides, what's there to be miserable about? Yeah, work does get hard sometimes, and life isn't easy, but that's just more drive to stay positive. It's not going to get me anywhere by being grumpy and mean like a certain tin man in this building!" You both laughed, thanking God that Tony wasn't in the room to hear what you just said. From the sofa, you heard Nat starting to talk to Bucky and Sam.

"...but there's nothing else we can do about it other than get in contact with some of our aliases and-"

"What's going on?"

Cutting in, you stood up from the island and walked over to the sofa.

Nat turned to look at you while Sam and Bucky continued to read from the iPad she held.

"There was a break in at a Hydra base a few days ago. The person who broke in stole Hydra's files about us, and some files about them. My best guess is that it's somebody who's against Hydra but also against us." Nat took a long deep breath, and turned back to her iPad, still talking to you. "We need to get in contact with non-avengers who have fought with us in the past, see if they have any idea. Steve and I are going to S.H.I.E.L.D. tomorrow, Thor will be returning to Asgard to talk with Loki, I don't know what else we can do."

You perked up at the mention of Loki, and suddenly came up with an idea. "How about I go with Thor? I've always wanted to see Asgard, and it's better than just having one person go." You saw Nat look up and glare at Steve, who did the same, before they both turned to you. Steve sighed, and looked away; clearly, there was something on both of their minds.

"That's a good idea about somebody going, it's better to be safe than sorry. What about Clint? D'you think he'd want to go?" Steve was looking at Natasha when he asked, and you felt a but left out. Instead of becoming angry, you just smiled and turned to face Steve. "What about me?" You asked, still smiling widely.

"Uh, y/n? I don't really think you should go..." Natasha remarked next to you, and you ever so slightly frowned.

"What do you mean?" You kept your voice gentle and upbeat, thinking of reasons why it would be perfect to go.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but there's some bad people on Asgard. We know you could handle it, but people like Loki are...dangerous, and I for one don't think it's in your best interest to make friends with people like him." You could tell by her tone that she felt guilty, but that didn't stop her from speaking her mind anyway. You didn't really understand what she meant; you're around dangerous people all the time, you can easily handle another one.

"If you don't think it's a good idea for me to go, then why is Clint an option?" Like magic, clint walked in at the exact second you said that. Looking up at him, you carried on speaking. "We have the same skill level at fighting, anyway! Besides, I have superpowers too, I can easily protect myself and Thor if need be."

Clint looked at you and Natasha, a puzzle expression plastered on his face. Nat gave him the run down, and he seemed slightly underwhelmed.

"There's no reason why y/n shouldn't be able to go to Asgard."

"Yes, but she's going to asgard to get in contact with Loki." Natasha's expression looked stern, her eyes piercing through Clint's.

"...oh."

"C'mon guys, what're you hiding? I'm sure I can take it, what's the harm in me going to Asgard?" Despite being slightly irritated, you still smiled and laughed a bit at the end of your sentence, making sure the rest of the group knew you were still just as happy as you were after returning from they gym, 10 minutes ago. Clint, Natasha, Steve, Bucky and Sam all gave each other quick glances before Bucky groaned and sat up.

"Listen, y/n. The reason why none of us want you to go to Asgard is because we want you to stay away from Loki. Although he's fought along side us in the past, he's a terrible person. And you're so...so happy and innocent all the time, we don't want him to..."

"You don't want him to corrupt me." You finished off Bucky's sentence, speaking quieter, thinning to yourself. There was suddenly a sort of dark cloud above the room, and an awkward silence prolonged for at least 20 seconds. You could sense how guilty everyone felt, but instead of exploding, you burst into a fit of giggles.

Everyone frowned as they watched you almost fall off the sofa in laughter. Once you calmed down, you wiped your eyes, and almost bust out laughing again at the confused faces of everyone around you. You sat back, smiling ear to ear. "Why would you think something like that?" You asked the room, taking a sip of water. "Honestly guys, I've been with you bunch of Serious Sally's for almost a year. I think it's safe to say that no matter who I spend my time with, I'll never stop being the 'happy and innocent' person who I am. Besides, we're only going to be on Asgard for a day at most, what could go wrong?"

—————

The next day, you were on Asgard. You were so thankful that Nat had finally let you go with Thor, and now you were stood outside of a tall golden palace, behind a beautiful view of Greek-style hills and mountains. You were speechless, to say the least.

"Brother Loki should be here any minute..." said thor, looking over at a clock tower. You couldn't make out what time it was - the numbers were Asgardian - but it was about 12 before you left. Before you could think anything else of it, something appeared before you two. It was Loki.

"Nice to see you again, brother!" Thor exclaimed as he went in for a hug. Loki barely hugged him back, and pulled away, turning to face you.

"Well well well, who's this who you've brought along with you?" Loki asked Thor, yet stared at you with a slight smirk. "Loki, this is y/n. She's a friend from work." Loki took your hand and bowed down slightly, and placed a kiss on the back of your hand; a kiss which you couldn't describe as chaste, making eye contact with him the entire time. He rose and let go of your hand, fingertips brushing slightly. "Pleased to make you acquaintance, Lady y/n." You were tongue tied, but before you could even begin to formulate words, Thor started talking. He rambled on about why you were here, and if he knew anything about the break in, but you weren't listening to a single word. Instead, you never took your eyes off Loki.

His shoulders were broad, sleek black hair running just past them. He stood with confidence, taller than Thor but thinner. Despite this, you could still see defined muscles from underneath the Asgardian clothes he wore. His eyes were a cold shade of blue, resembling ice. While Thor was still talking, he looked over at you, catching you staring at him. You maintained eye contact, your cheeks turning a childish shade of pink, and he winked at you before turning back to concentrate on his brother. The corners if his lips were slightly upturned, and a few strands of hair fell into his face as he nodded along to whatever Thor was saying.

"Well, I haven't heard any news, I'm sorry I can't be of any help. Do you both want to get lunch?" You turned to Thor, cocking an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry, brother, but I must go and talk to the others and see if they've heard anything. But, it won't hurt if you and y/n get something to eat?" You and Loki both turned to face each other, and you smiled wider than ever.

"I'd love to."

You and Loki walked in silence to the dining hall, passing many Asgardian maidens on your way. You felt slightly underdressed; all asgardian women wore long flowing gowns, whereas you were dressed in high waisted denim shorts and a red turtleneck. Once you arrived at the dining room, you were confronted with a grand gold table topped with all kinds of food. Cheese, grapes, wine, and some sort of Asgardian meat that you couldn't recognize. It felt magical, yet you felt out of place. As you furthered towards the table, Loki took out a chair for you to sit down in. Thanking him, you sat, and his fingertips brushed against your clothed shoulders. Butterflies swarmed in the pit of your stomach, and you quietly giggled at yourself for becoming so flustered. Once Loki was seated, you asked him a question.

"So, Loki," you began, looking around at the feast laid out for you, "what do you get up to on Asgard?" As you spoke, he poured crimson wine into a goblet, and you felt obliged to do the same.

"Surprisingly, not much." He spoke with, what resembled, an English accent. Every consonant was sharp, every vowel curved on his lips. "Every now and again we have to meet with people from other worlds, like you. Thor doesn't come and visit very often, so the mass amount of paperwork that has to be done is left to me." He rolled his eyes yet bore a smile, to which you laughed.

"Trust me, I know what it feels like. Ever since Tony and Steve got into that disagreement about where the files should be stored, I've been in charge of all paperwork. I don't mind it though, there's some sort of satisfaction in the orderliness of it all..." you looked up at him and grinned, being able to physically feel the awkwardness between you both. Although, he could look at your smile forever; the way your y/e/c shone in the light, dimples in you cheeks becoming more pronounced by the second, your lips curling ever so slightly inwards as a sigh escaped from them.

"I'm sorry, I've never really been one for small talk. Asgard seems wonderful, though. The landscape is impeccable, and everyone just seems so...perfect, I guess!" Speaking quieter, you leaned in the get closer to Loki, sat opposite you. "I feel like I could spend the rest of my life here." He knew you meant it, being able to feel the pure excitement you radiated. Tucking a piece of hair behind your ear, you sat back and pointed towards one of the golden dishes beside you, holding some fruits and vegetables.

"May I?"

"Of course, go ahead."

As you spooned a kind of salad onto your plate, Loki rubbed his stubble dotted chin. Loading your fork and taking a bite, you felt a wave of peace flow over your body. You had no idea what you were eating, but it was damn good.

"What part of midgard are you from, y/n?"

"Midgard?" You spoke through your mouthful of salad and swallowed. "Oh, right, Earth. I'm from Brooklyn, New York, but I live in Manhattan." You took a sip of wine, cringing at it's strength. Noticing this, Loki let out a laugh.

"Asgardian alcohol isn't for the weak, I'd take it easy if I were you..." you knee he was joking at the last part, so you laughed with him. The moment was sweet, but you can always have too much of a good thing. After Loki filled his plate, and you took a few more mouthfuls of salad, Thor strode in looking pleased with himself.

"Hey Thor, what's up?" Thor sat down at the table and picked up a bunch of grapes, popping one into his mouth.

"I just checked the comms," he swallowed, "Nat and Steve have all the information we need from S.H.I.E.L.D., so we can go back to midg- uh, Earth, sorry. Ready to go?" You looked at Loki who gave you a small nod as he put his cutlery down, and you stood up with a smile.

"Ready than I'll ever be!"

Thor and Loki stood up and walked towards you, and you went to shake Loki's hand. His hands were cold, icy to the touch, and his slender fingers certainly overpowered your small ones. He leaned in before you could break away, whispering in your ear. "Come back soon, I'd love to see you again."

You blushed, nodding, and he gave you a sly wink. Sooner or later, you were back on Earth, missing Asgard more and more by the second.

—————

Two months later, and you were head over heels for Thor's brother. Once you returned back to earth, Tony made it very clear that he disapproved of your trip. He sat you, Thor, Clint, Nat and Steve down in the conference room and screamed at all of you, acting like a very strict father. He had no idea what had happened on Asgard, but he let it slip that all of the avengers had an agreement - never let y/n meet Loki. Obviously, that was out the window, and it resulted in a conflict between Steve and Tony, as per usual. However, all of the avengers shared one common thought, and it was that you should never go back to asgard again.

"She's met Loki and had a look around Asgard, now there's no reason for her to go back."

"What if he's done something to her mind? We can't let her go back."

"We can't let Loki back into the facility when y/n is around, we can't handle anything else happening at the moment."

You often heard Steve and Tony talking about you in the other room, but you ignored it. 3 trips to asgard, 2 secret earth dates and 1 sleepover later, you and Loki decided you were serious; you both liked each other so much, and you wanted to tell other people. However, you had no idea how you were going to tell the avengers. You almost got caught a few times, but luckily, you were quite good at covering yourself up.

"Yo, why are you texting Pizza Hut?"

"Stop looking at my phone, Sam! Besides, I was actually ordering us a pizza, but I guess I'll just go and make myself a sandwich instead..."

"No y/n I take it back!!!"

It was a quiet day in the avengers tower when you decided to share your secret. You, Steve, Tony, Nat, Thor, Bruce and Clint were in the conference room having just finished a meeting. Before anyone could leave, you asked to talk to them for a bit. Despite being happy and confident in telling your friends that you were in love, your palms were sweating and you felt slightly nauseated. Nat must have noticed, and asked if you were okay.

"Everything alright?"

You stood in front of the table, toying with the hem of your skirt behind your back. Taking a deep breath, you looked up at your colleagues sat in front of you.

"I actually have some news to share with you all. A couple of months ago, Thor and I went to Asgard, and I found out about your weird pact thingy forbidding me from meeting Loki. Well, it happened, and it went well! Despite you all feeling very strongly about it, I did enjoy myself. Honestly, I heard you all talking about me 'never returning' and not being able to see Loki again, and it did sorta hurt..."

Steve bowed his head down slightly and Natasha avoided eye contact; you didn't want to guilt trip them, so you continued.

"...and that's okay! You're allowed to be protective of your friends, and I understand why you'd want me to be cautious around certain people. But that's not the point: the point is, I'm an adult, and although I may not be as old as Steve," (Tony chuckled at that) "I'm still an adult. I went to college, I have a job, my own apartment. I'm old enough to know right from wrong, which is why I may or may not have seen Loki 6 times in the past two months..."

"What!?" Natasha looked furious, and everyone had their eyes on you. Steve looked disappointed, Tony didn't look surprised, and Thor seemed quite amused. Bruce and Clint didn't look phased, to be completely honest.

"Please listen to me, I'll explain everything." Everyone eased up slightly as you took a deep breath, standing closer to the table. "I've been back to Asgard four times, and Loki has come to earth twice to see me. I know you would all freak out about him coming to earth, but I made him wear that patch that Tony built which dampened his powers. Whenever he was on earth, he was just a normal person. We got to talking and decided to see each other more often, and we've become quite close."

"If you say that you and Loki are friends, I will jump off of this building." Natasha remarked, crossing her arms. She was definitely the most protective of you, seeing you as a little sister.

"You're not going to like this." you muttered, sighing.

"Loki and I are in love and we've been seeing each other for two months!" You spoke quicker than lightning, grinning at the end, and sprinting out of the conference room. As you ran to the common area, you heard shouting erupting from the conference room, mainly coming from Nat, Steve and Tony. You knew they wouldn't take it well, but you didn't expect it to go down this badly. You heard the commotion from the conference room slowly make it's way closer to the common area, so you bolted towards the bedrooms. You didn't live in the avengers tower, but practically everyone else did.

Hiding in Natasha's room is too obvious, she's the avenger who you're closest to. Hiding in Thor's is also too risky, as he has asgardian technology; as far as they're concerned, you might try and get in contact with Loki. Tony's room? Too stinky. Clint's room? Too stinky². Steve's room? You looked up to that man as a brother, and you certainly were not interested in whatever sort of magazines and movies that he kept in there ( ;) ). That left one other person's room: Bruce's. Quickly sliding into his room, you crawled under the poofy duvet on his bed. Luckily, Bruce's blanket was practically three duvets thick, so they wouldn't be able to tell that you were in there.

Bruce's sheets smelled like lavender and vanilla, with a very vague scent of aftershave; you loved it. You could probably stay there for hours, and even fall asleep, but the faint musk you smelled on his sheets reminded you of Loki. His aftershave always smelled like bonfires and liquor, a scent that you could fall in love with over and over again. You must have laid in in Bruce's bed for 20 minutes before you heard footsteps outside the door. You were never one to do this (run and hide from something difficult) as it seems childish, and the gang already treats you like a child enough. However, you didn't know how you would recover from this one. You heard doors open and close nearby - they must be looking for you. The door to Bruce's room suddenly opened, and you held your breath in an attempt to be quieter. You heard a deep sigh, and somebody sat on the end of the bed. You could just tell that it was Bruce, and you felt safer with him here.

"Listen, kid-"

"Bruce, you're my favourite, but call me kid one more time and I will smite you."

He chuckled and apologised, continuing to talk. "Sorry, y/n. I know how you feel. Frustrated, confused, low on hope." You poked your head out from underneath the duvet and moved over on the bed, sitting up. You motioned for Bruce to sit next to you, which he did.

"I've been through this sequence over and over again," he said, laying down next to you, "yet I never seem to break the cycle. But there's a difference between you and I, y/n. When I'm feeling like this, I show it. I'm not talking about hulking out, but about how I hold myself. I'll be visibly down and depressed, everyone can tell that I'm going through something. But you, you hold it in. You smile and laugh through every emotion you have, and I can't help but admire you for it."

You both turned your heads to look at each other, Bruce giving you a small smile.

"When you're sad or angry, you continue to smile. All of the other avengers get tricked by it, thinking that you're truly fine, but you don't fool me. I can see, every time you cover your emotions, I can see the fire behind your eyes. Or how you tighten your grip when you feel stressed. Although you may be smiling and laughing, I know what's going on behind those eyes. You do a good job, y/n, but maybe bottling it all up isn't the best option. Maybe that's why you fell for somebody who is the completely opposite, like Loki. Because you'd never dare to show your negative emotions outwardly and indulge in the feeling of letting everything out. Now that you've found somebody who you can share these emotions with, you feel like you can be yourself. What I'm failing to say, is perhaps you could let your emotions show a bit more. You don't have to complain or mope around the tower like Tony, but maybe let people know when you are uncomfortable, or confront people who make you upset."

You had closed your eyes about half way through Bruce's speech, and when you opened them your eyes brimmed with tears. He didn't say anything, but instead, Bruce held his arms out and took you in an embrace. You hugged him back, feeling warm and safe, not knowing how to express to him how much he meant to you.

"How did the others react?" You asked into his chest. Bruce was hesitant to reply, and didn't know whether it was best to tell you the truth or let you see for yourself. With a content sigh, he replied.

"I'm afraid to say they didn't take it very well. Natasha blames herself, Steve's a bit frustrated, and Tony...Tony said he feels 'stabbed in the back by his greatest friend', but I think he was being a bit too over dramatic."

"Why do they hate him so much?" You asked, pulling away from Bruce and sitting up on his bed.

"It's complicated." Bruce said, rubbing his forehead. "He's been with us in the past, but there have been multiple occasions where we've had to lock him up. We still don't know whether he's with us or against us, and now one of our best teammates is in love with him." You nodded, knowing what he meant. You knew you had to clear things up with the rest of the group, and you'd start with Natasha.

"Yeah, that makes sense. I'm sorry for hiding in here and messing up your covers, I'm going to go and talk to them and apologise." Before you got up from the bed, Bruce pulled you in for one last hug, planting a friendly kiss on your forehead. "Never apologise for falling in love."

—————

Never apologise for falling in love.

Never apologise for falling in love.

Never apologise for falling in love.

In your head, you repeated what Bruce had told you in his room. You were walking towards to common area where you knew the rest of the avengers would be. Bruce went in there first to calm everyone down, and you told him you'd be in there in a few minutes to tell everyone the news. Walking into the room, all eyes were on you. You became conscious of what you looked like, your face was probably red and puffy from crying.

"Do you have anything you'd like to say, y/n?" Steve asked in a harsh tone. He seemed extremely intimidating, and you suddenly felt small and worthless.

"Take it easy, Steve." Bruce said quite calmly. "Let her do it herself."

You smiled, a genuinely happy smile at Bruce. Despite having little to no confidence whatsoever, you were actually happy. Bruce had made you feel so much better, you had a boyfriend who you loved, and you wanted your friends to know whether they approved or not.

"I want to let you all know that I didn't do this on purpose. I didn't mean to bond with Loki, and I should never apologise for falling in love, and I'm not going to apologise. It's my life, and whether you approve or not, I'm going to continue to see Loki. However, I would like to apologise for how I acted. I shouldn't have run and hidden, and I could've broken the news in a nicer way. Do any of you have anything you'd like to say?"

There was a gloomy silence as the rest of the group contemplated what to say. Trying to alleviate the room of the awkwardness, Thor opined. "Well, I approve of your relationship, Lady y/n. I'm glad you've found someone!" Everyone looked at Thor, then back to you as you sat down on a chair. Steve opened his mouth and closed it a few times, he clearly was lost for words. Natasha was the first person to speak, coming to sit in the chair next to you.

"We overreacted, I'm sorry, y/n. I'm sure you could understand what we felt, but we support you. It'll take us a while to get used to it, but we all want you to feel comfortable. We love you, and if you love Loki then there is nothing we can do about it other than accept you."

The day ended with a group hug, lots of individual hugs from Natasha and Steve, and you & Bruce watching Star Wars after everyone had gone to bed. You were going to see Loki the next day, and you knew it would be the best day ever.

[queenofwordsandnerds]

My favorite Obiyuki Moments from Ch. 117!

Ok so we're gonna get a MASQUERADE BALL and I'm SO FREAKING EXCITED like we know IMPORTANT STUFF is gonna happen at this ball

First of all, this cover art. My boi OBI LOOKING FINEEEEEEEE my eyes literally bulged when I saw this picture. Everything about it, from the color scheme to the clothing style to OBI'S expression is just--*fans self* even if Sorata doesn't plan for Obiyuki to be endgame (which I don't believe) she's certainly trying very hard to make us all fall in love with Obi which I think should say something.

I love the parallels in this one, how Shirayuki's determined face on the top right mirrors Obi's confident face on the bottom left (confidence in HER may I add).

Also it's just hilarious how when she says she wants to go too he acts confused as a joke before assuring her that of course she can go. She's his Mistress, whatever she wants he will assist. Obi would as soon dream of stopping Shirayuki as killing her, except if it's a situation where her safety could be in legitimate jeopardy. I absolutely adore how Shirayuki has grown from a naive girl new to Clarines court life into this strong, smart and savvy young lady who knows what she wants and can hold her own in political situations. And yes that may seem like a point for ZenYuki, but who was there to help her on her journey to that point in her character development? Obi. Not Zen. OBI. This boi will always support his lady and I am HERE FOR IT.

Also OBI AND HIS DOUBLE ENTENDRE IN THE LAST PANEL. "Sometimes someone else will wait for you" I think this line should be added to the canon of iconic Obiyuki lines because on level 1, he's telling her that he'll be by her side and empowering her that she will not be pushed to the sidelines, but rather that she and her skills will be useful. On level 2, however, he's telling her that HE WILL WAIT FOR HER. Obi's love for Shirayuki is NOT going anywhere. No matter how long it takes or whatever she does, Obi loves her and will wait for her. And his EXPRESSION when he says it...we've seen that expression on Obi's face before and we all know what it means. Just...that's an underrated line and I think the Obiyuki fandom should notice it.

And this section comes right after the above. OH MY LORD there's so many little things I've noticed about each panel.

The first one: LOOK AT SHIRAYUKI'S EXPRESSION. Look at how surprised she is at WHAT OBI HAS SAID TO HER. IMO, I'm sure she is rather impressed by how he has reassured her that she is necessary, useful and wanted in the masquerade mission. But also... Shirayuki is a confident girl. She knows herself, she knows her assets. And she also knows that there has never been any doubt that Obi will support her unless the consequences of her actions might be dire. She's USED to Obi supporting her. So why does she look so startled and taken aback by his words? She looks speechless, as if she LEARNED SOMETHING. I believe that this might be a moment where Shirayuki might see past Obi's words to his double meaning. He says he will wait for her. Why would that shock Shirayuki so much unless there was something deeper that she didn't expect?

The second panel reinforces her speechlessness. Here, she looks slightly less startled and more determined, but her surprise is still there. Yet she does pay attention when Obi says that they'll be assisting each other. Instance #1734839101 of Obiyuki relying on each other through a tough situation. And the way they face each other framing the word bubble and the panel...*chefs kiss*. For all Shirayuki talks about supporting Zen, she certainly does an awful lot of supporting Obi. And IMO, Obi has done WAAAAAAYYY more supporting of Shirayuki than Zen has. Obiyuki shippers know how often Obiyuki is paired and seen as a duo. They just...they work together so well and their chemistry and compatibility as partners is not only amazing, but LITERALLY RECOGNIZED AS CANON. I can't remember who says it (Shidan?) But someone observes Obiyuki's "compatibility as a duo" as proof of how well they can accomplish tasks together. And now I'm getting off course. But this section is already screaming Obiyuki for me (obviously).

Anyway, third/middle panel. Shirayuki regains her composure, and she agrees with Obi of course. But not after the word bubble appears that shows that SHE WAS STILL SPEECHLESS. She was still processing his words for probably about 5 seconds. Honestly, although what Obi said was important, it wasn't all that groundbreaking or atypical for him as a character. So why does Shirayuki react so strongly to it?

I believe the answer lies in the fourth and fifth panels on the bottom right. They show one of many framings of Obiyuki where they share a gaze. Obi's face looks rather unperturbed. He's confident in his abilities as well as Shirayuki's to figure out this problem, and in this glance where they seem to come to a mutual unspoken agreement he just looks at her proudly and admiringly. You know, typical Obi.

But more and more were seeing Shirayuki direct these warm, gentle glances towards Obi. Just look at her expression! She looks so happy, confident, and at ease with their plan and the fact that they'll be working together. Obi helped her feel this way! Shirayuki's warm glances are always part of a major Obiyuki moment (see "welcome home, Obi."). But if you consider how this particular warm glances immediately follows her surprised speechlessness, I think this is more telling than it seems. We've been getting little hints throughout the latest chapters that Shirayuki may be starting to either realize Obi's feelings for her, or develop more-than-friends feelings for him, or both. We all know the depth of the bond they share, platonic, romantic, or otherwise. But I think Shirayuki is starting to see that something more may be going on here. I think she's realizing how much Obi means to her and the strength and complexity of their relationship. Her eyes are starting to open, and this panel is just one of several examples. I think that Sorata will continue to expand on this, and I certainly hope she does (because that means MORE OBIYUKI DEVELOPMENT).

Also I forgot to download the panel, but when they found that cloaked figure near the end who would also be helping I FREAKED OUT. I was SO MAD because I saw that cloak and the person's attitude and my mind immediately went to Send. I remembered when he wore a cloak in a previous chapter. Also, when they said that this person would help them out a lot to find the lady, that also seems like a Zen thing. I freaked out, not in the good way, because this chapter had been giving us QUALITY OBIYUKI CONTENT and then to throw Zen in at the end to distract Shirayuki, maybe fluster her and make her lose focus, to ruin it all (Zen I love you but not with Shirayuki)... I would NOT have been happy.

But of course it wasn't Zen, it was one of the Bergatt twins and I squeeeed because 1) I love the Bergatt Bois and 2) everything was ok and I'm looking forward to more Obiyuki content in the next chapter.

[duvgaleni]

Ok first off I am SO sorry I have taken so long to get to this ask I had no energy between work and school. That said here comes the GN review. So I did not expect Elvis to vibe with me musically the way it did. If I have to pick a fave off the album it has to be Molly with Control coming in at a close second. I can't explain it but Molly really has unique designs on me. I really love the sound and style of music for this rec. Once again you deliver top shelf goods.

Side note: I took that quiz you reblogged even though I've never heard of the vorkosigan saga in my life and I got someone named Bel Thorne. Made me look up the series, which made me realize that I very much want this in my life, and now I'm wondering if you'd advise me as to which book I should start with? I asked the internet and got huge charts.

Eagerly awaiting your next recs,

MAB

P.S. thinking about making rugelach on a weekend off. Thoughts/advice?

Hey hi! So glad to hear from you! I was just thinking the other day “I miss MAB :(” but I didn’t want to rush you lol, I’ve also been super low energy lately so you’re in good company! As always, I’m so glad you liked it, this has been one of my really pandemic-defining albums, I’ve spent a truly Shocking amount of time sitting on the floor listening to this and painting since I discovered it maybe 10 months ago? I also didn’t really expect to vibe with it, I was off the indie-country-stylings train and the vocals threw me at first but it kinda got its hooks into me and i found myself just thinking about it all the time, and i listened and relistened and found more and more complex little bits and beautiful lyrics and realized it had wormed its way into my faves on accident, so good for it. Control’s also one of my real faves, the whole front half of this album is SO strong, Westside and Crying About The Planets took a minute for me to warm up to but are really some of my faves on the album now. I’m glad it spoke to you as much as it spoke to me!

ok SO let’s talk about the Vorkosigan Saga. These books are my favorite anything in the whole world, they’re my parents favorite books too so I really grew up with them, I’ve loved them all my life even when I was way too young to understand a lot of the concepts (I tried to read this Really Heavy one all about clones when i was V young and I didn’t know what a clone was, I thought it was just a fucked up baby brother, i was more right than I realized, so i put it down and Thank Fuck for that) and you should ABSOLUTELY read them. Bel Thorne was the first nonbinary character I ever saw (even though they are NOT handled well, these books show their age on a lot of lgbt stuff so heads up) and they’re so goddamn cool, they’re whip-smart and chock full of heart and they captain a space ship and I could go on Forever, I just named my new podcast character after them and I’m just thrilled about it. So as far as order goes, I Highly recommend starting with Cordelia’s Honor, which is a collection of the books Shards of Honor and Barrayar, which are prequels about the parents of the main characters of the main series. The main series starts with some truly superb fun manic semi-political space opera, but it’s really aged for the protagonist Miles, who’s 17 at the time. Cordelia’s Honor gives you a really great background on the universe you’re in, shows you Exactly how Miles got to be The Way That He Is, is the best god damn enemies-to-lovers you’ll ever find, CHUGS its respect women juice, is also fun but definitely heavier in tone than the main series begins. It’s really beautiful, very very human, and just SMART. Heads up, those books have some heavily implied sexual assault, suicide stuff, uhhhh Weird Mental Illness, and Weird Homophobia (though it’s portrayed to be in the wrong, again these books are very much a product of their time.) But they follow Miles’ parents, Cordelia Naismith and Aral Vorkosigan as they meet, fall in love on opposite sides of a war, eventually get married, and get sucked into some truly wild and Really Really Cool politics, and i Highly recommend you start there. Past that, my recommended reading order is pretty much chronological, you should get to Falling Free and Ethan of Athos at some point but like Shards of Honor - Barrayar - Warriors Apprentice - Vor Game - Cetaganda - Borders Of Infinity - Brothers In Arms - Mirror Dance - Memory - Komarr - Civil Campaign - Diplomatic Immunity - Captain Vorpatril’s Alliance - Cryoburn - Gentleman Jole and the Red Queen (bolded books are my personal favorites) is really the way to go. I know that’s an awful lot, but they’re really fast reads and they’re So Goddamn Good And Fun And Good, if you start them PLEASE let me know your thots as you read

Hoo ok that was a lot, thank you for bearing with me! My biggest advice re. rugelach is just have fun and be yourself with it, do whatever filling you want, pour love into the dough and you’ll have a good time. Sorry that’s not more technical, but if ur using the recipe i sent you (and i can post it again if u dont want to hunt for it) then honestly i think it’s gonna be fab no matter what (and honestly even if you dont do a super bindy filling and your jam leaks out and burns Who Give A Shit, burnt chocolate w raspberry or cherry jam is still pretty damn good), if you enjoy the process then that’s what matters!

[oumakokichi]

I've been thinking about your "Ouma lives" AU for a while, and it really interests me a lot; especially the Chapter 6 trial. I'm curious about one thing though, in the original trial, we had Kiibo momentarily take the role as the protagonist. If Ouma survived, how would that scenario change, if it even happened at all?

Thank you so much! I’m still really invested in seeing thatparticular AU come to life in one way or the other. If I didn’t have so much onmy plate between irl obligations and meta/translation (and the time loop fic) I’dtry to write it myself!

As for that particular moment, that’s a good question! Icould picture a number of possibilities, but I do think for the most part thatit would go largely the same at first. The thing with that particular moment isthat none of the other survivors are really as suited for stepping into thesort of Hope’s Peak, “hope vs. despair” role as Kiibo is.

Ouma himself is someone who denies extremes and idealsentirely, preferring to stay to a middle ground almost the entire time; he’sextremely good at differentiating between truth and lies and recognizing whereboth have their uses, but like Saihara, he’s definitely not interested inpicking a side in the “hope vs. despair” conflict. Something of interest Inoted while translating the scene in Chapter 5 where Ouma tells the group the “truthof the outside world” is that even prior to the Hope’s Peak remember light actuallyshowing up, Ouma actually uses the words “hope” and “despair” twice each. He’sthe only character to bring thosewords in particular up prior to the Hope’s Peak remember light, actually.

Despite the fact that he was clearly intended to fill therole of the ringleader and be Tsumugi’s idea of “SHSL Despair” if possible,Ouma rejects all of that pretty emphatically. He mentions both hope and despairin that particular speech, but not in the sense of adhering to either one.Ideals are dangerous; ideals get people killed by rushing into reckless action(as Chapter 5 in general is pretty excellent proof of). He would much ratherstick to truth, to reality that he can confirm with his own two eyes, and tolies which can themselves be “elevated” to reality if they’re accepted as suchby other people.

Even just before his death in the flashbacks we see afterthe Chapter 5 trial, Ouma mentions the word “despair” twice, and fascinatinglyenough, only in the sense of weaponizing it against the ringleader themselves.The possibility that he was perhaps given a talent very close to SHSL Analysis(I still say SHSL Chessmaster but there are quite a few possibilities),something meant to make people turnto despair and want to do cruel, awful things to other people, is extremelyinteresting.

And what’s most interesting of all is the fact that evenwhen pushed to his limits and even when Tsumugi and the Team Danganronpaproducers clearly wanted him to be this huge “big bad,” he only ever wanted toturn that despair right back onto the people who had dealt it out in the firstplace. Team DR and the killing game audience who find things like despair, pain,and suffering “interesting” or “fun” are the only ones he wants to see suffer.And considering how everything else in DR has dealt with despair actuallyfunctioning as a temporary “cure” for boredom, something interesting that takesthe edge off for characters like Junko and Kamukura, Ouma rejecting the idea ofdespair as “fun” is incredible and impressive, in my opinion.

This suggests to me that when Tsumugi really started bringingout the big guns in Chapter 6 by claiming credit for every individual thought,emotion, and desire they’d all had as “fictional characters” within the killinggame show, there are a few ways it could go, really. I don’t think Ouma wouldjump on board with any “hope vs. despair” nonsense—certainly he wouldn’t be theinspirational, motivational figure any more than Saihara was, moreso after allthe trauma him surviving Chapter 5 would entail what with getting poisoned andMomota sacrificing himself.

If anything, even he might be a little overwhelmed for awhile before being able to respond. After all, Tsumugi’s big “reveals” are sortof a worst-case scenario for him and all the characters involved. Absolutelynothing they went through or suffered had any meaning whatsoever, all of it wasengineered for entertainment, they have no loved ones and no one waiting forthem outside, etc. The idea of not knowing for sure what’s going on in his ownhead is a common theme with Ouma, and Tsumugi’s “facts” would probably takesome adjusting to before he could sort out the lies from the truth.

This means Kiibo would probably still be the only one in thegroup to actually respond to the call for a more traditional DR protagonistfigure and listen to his “inner voice” (meaning the voice of the ndrv3audience). That scene was tremendous fun and iconic because it played withexpectations so much—even Kiibo taking the lead and stepping in as theprotagonist was something Tsumugi herself hoped would happen because it was away to simultaneously make the game more exciting and also steer it into theoutcome of “hope triumphing over despair” that she and the audience clearlypreferred.

The difference is, with Ouma around… Well I’m not even sureif the scene would’ve been taken seriously, because considering Ouma’s hatredfor the audience, the fact that he clearly guessed Kiibo was connected to theaudience in some way even early on in the plot, and the fact that he wasabsolutely unconnected to the Hope’s Peak remember light means that I couldhonestly see him just laughing. Probably a bit maniacally, with some of hismore ruthless sprites.

Kiibo’s fun time to shine as a protagonist might have gottencut considerably short since Ouma would probably have revamped his villain actall the way up in order to laugh in the audience’s faces—something I’d quitelike to see, actually. It’s certainly true that the group needed motivation andinspiration in order to go on and not just give up. But like Saihara, Ouma issomeone who recognizes (recognized early than anyone, in fact) that playinginto those themes of “hope vs. despair” is just playing directly into the rulesof the killing game itself.

Choosing either one, especially choosing “hope,” meansreinforcing the entire cycle of the killing game. The “hope” that the audienceso badly wanted was itself a false hope based on nothing but wanting to see allthe characters suffer first in-game, then overcome things with the power offriendship and move on together right at the very end. And that isn’t somethingthat would give their existences as “fiction” any particular meaning, if theywere to just go along with it.

Ouma might well have interrupted Kiibo even before Saiharadid with his own version of a “what the hell do you mean ‘hope’” speech. Notonly that, but unlike Saihara, Ouma would probably very much have caught ontosome of Tsumugi’s more obvious lies, since it’s pretty apparent to anyone withan eye for detail that there’s no way she could have planned Momota’s illnessfrom the start, let alone controlled all their emotions or thoughts or romanticinclinations.

Tsumugi herself stumbled pretty noticeably at times, and Idon’t doubt all of these things would click into place pretty well inhindsight. So I’d love to see Ouma back on his feet and sort of calling her outrelentlessly on all these lies, really. No one else in ndrv3 is better atsniffing out the lies of others or seeing through them in about two secondsflat, and the fact that he would have so ruthlessly and relentlessly torn herargument to pieces would itself probably have shocked the other characters backinto responding and not feeling quite so depressed.

Ouma would never be the sort of character to willingly comeforward as a protagonist himself. As much as he loves attentions, he very muchprefers doing things either from the shadows, or else setting himself up as thevillain in some way or other. He’s not used to just straightforward attentionand recognition; as far as his in-game backstory goes, I doubt it’s somethinghe’s received a lot of outside of his time with DICE, perhaps. Not only that,but he clearly hates and resents himself for the sort of tactics he had to usein order to progress in the game as far as he did. Suddenly becoming amotivational protagonist is definitely not his style.

So even if he were to take the reins from Kiibo and startturning the conversation back towards “truth vs. lies” rather than “hope vs.despair,” I think he’d love to do so with his usual villain routine, ratherthan any heroic speeches or attempts to style himself as the protagonist. Itwould certainly help him to give both Tsumugi and the audience themselves ataste of “true despair,” just as he said he wanted to before he died in Chapter5.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts on it. Having Ouma livepast Chapter 5 opens up so many possibilities and it’s still one of my favoritethings to consider, since I feel he would’ve made an extremely interestingsurvivor (and I’m not just saying that because he’s my favorite character, Ipromise). Thank you so much for asking!